A Beautiful Picture

An Excerpt from "The Wife" by Washington Irving

...Nothing can be more touching than to behold a soft and tender female, who had been all weakness and dependence, and alive to every trivial roughness, while treading the prosperous paths of life, suddenly rising in mental force to be the comforter and support of her husband under misfortune, and abiding, with unshrinking firmness, the bitterest blasts of adversity.

As the vine, which has long twined its graceful foliage about the oak and been lifted by it into sunshine, will, when the hardy plant is rifted by the thunderbolt, cling round it with it's caressing tendrils, and bind up its shattered boughs; so is it beautifully ordered by Providence, that woman, who is the mere dependent and ornament of man in his happier hours, should be his stay and solace when smitten with sudden calamity; winding herself into the rugged recesses of his nature, tenderly supporting the drooping head, and binding up the broken heart.

A Tale of Three Pregnancy Comments

Yesterday, I was grocery shopping by myself, pushing through my body's exhaustion after having run several errands already. I was looking for a certain spice mix in the baking aisle when this guy all of the sudden walks quickly past me from behind. As he passed by, my ears heard him quietly say, "So when is that baby girl due?" Now, the fact that he kept walking quickly and that he spoke so quietly meant that my brain was not processing everything as it was happening. So after a few seconds of figuring out exactly what words he said and then being astounded, I managed to call out, "Next month." After a few more seconds of shocked processing, I called out louder, "How did you know it's a girl??" He turned around but kept walking backwards as he said, "I can just tell. You're carrying high. And I have two of my own." He turned and was gone from my aisle. I still stood there in complete shock. So much, that I said to a fellow lady shopper who had seen the exchange, "That was freaky." She gave a little laugh and moved on. The simple fact that this stranger (who was male) knew I was having a girl and commented on it is weird enough. But what makes it MORE weird is that EVERY person who has commented on what I'm having has argued with me that it must be a boy because of how I am carrying. Two women in particular actually held a conversation with me for a minute or more about how I had to be having a boy no matter how many times I reassured them it was indeed a girl, confirmed by several ultrasounds. The Safeway Stranger is one I will never forget!

Then today, an older lady at church graciously approached me and asked with a gentle smile "How are you feeling? Big?" I told her I'm good save for a couple small complaints of back/hip pain and the onset of swelling but I only have a month left. That's when the conversation took a turn towards major confusion and foot-in-mouth disease for her. She asked something about if I knew whether or not it was twins. (WHAT??) I think I was so surprised at the question that I stammered my reply it was not twins and couldn't imagine carrying two babies. Then she started questioning if they can tell if someone is having twins these days, like do ultrasounds show if there are two babies or is it a surprise. (::dumbfounded stare::) I told her absolutely they know if you are having twins and was going to go into the fact that even if you don't have an ultrasound, they can still find two heartbeats. But she cut me off with, "Well, I guess she's just a big girl then, huh?" (Oh dear.) "Well, no actually she is small which is part of why they are continuing to monitor her with monthly ultrasounds." I think she realized that was her Strike Two, and she may have then mentioned something about me looking big. I told her I was actually smaller than I was with either of my sons. Strike Three. I don't even remember how the conversation ended, probably too mystified by the plainly odd nature of her questioning and also feeling sorry for her indirectly saying three times I was big when all the facts prove I'm quite small for 34 weeks. I didn't have the heart to also tell her NO ONE has told me I look big. :-P

Which brings me to the Mailman's comment this past week. I've had some issues with this mailman in the past seeming almost too friendly and knowledgeable of me and my family (including telling me once that I have a beautiful face...). But I think I've gotten over my fear and realized that he just must be my Really Friendly Neighborhood Mailman. So the other day, the boys ran to the mailbox when he was there so he could give them the mail. I moseyed on over to supervise. Mailman asked me how baby was doing. I told him fine, that she was arriving next month. He exclaimed, "Next month?? You're not big at all! I thought you were going to say you had 5 months left or something." ::shock:: I think I said thank you, and then I explained that I am smaller than I was with either of the boys. But then I got to thinking...what would Mailman (or anyone) say if they thought I was huge and I said I had one month left. You don't hear people exclaiming, "WOW! A whole month left? You're already a land whale. How much bigger could you possibly get?" I suppose people must just give a cordial "hmm" or blank smile instead of responding with that if it's what they believe about you. So I'm content with the Mailman's opposite response. :-P

Encouragement - From a 4-Year Old

I sat there sewing another nursing cover for a friend. Judah was standing by the table playing with Toby, the latest addition to his Thomas set. All of the sudden, he very gently said, "Mommy? You are so good...you are so good to sew those for other mommies."

::teary:: Wow. My sweet 4-year old son recognized that what I do for business is also goodness towards others. That what I sew is used by other mommies and helps them. Somehow, because of his fresh innocence in discovering non-tangible concepts, it meant the world to me to hear him say that. It was also somewhat of a relief to know that, though I'm not spending time with him when I sew, he understands why I do it.

Thank you, Lord. It was precious to see growth in my son's understanding of what You require of us. And the encouragement was simply a bonus!

Why have children?

That's a question I've asked myself a few times in the last week as pregnancy has ramped up fatigue and back/hip pain...and also as two high-energy boys are about to be joined by another child.

Today, I pondered the question a little more because the question has definitely irritated me. Why would I ask that? I love my kids!

When you get down to the bottom of it, the reason we have children is not:

1) Because that's what we humans do.

2) To gain enjoyment from them (because they certainly cause an equal amount of trials!).

3) To raise up more humans who can live happy lives just moving about this earth.

So why have children? I think there are two very foundational reasons while all other reasons are merely bonuses to our earthly lives.

We have children because we are commanded to.

But more importantly, we have children in order to raise up more people who will bring glory to God's name. Not that we are adding to His glory -- He is already 100% glory. We are just adding voices and lives who can increase the celebration of His glory. And if I as a mom can learn to keep THAT my focus in raising my kids, so much will fall into place in the mothering process (like patience, love, spending time on discipline and teaching, etc.).

When everything else is the focus, everything will be blurry.

When God's glory is the focus, everything else becomes crystal clear.

Psalm 127

Judah's Breakfast Prayer & a ScripBit

Simple, but too cute for a Momma not to share.

"Dear Jesus, thank you for this wonderful day you made for us. ::distracted by Elijah...distracted again...:: And thank you for all this food to fill our tummies. Amen."

Today's ScripBit (a bit from Scripture):

"And Jesus answered them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.'" -Luke 5:31-32

Simply put, humility is needed for true repentance to happen.

Soldiers & Shrinking

Judah has proven that he has entered that phase of childhood in which thought-provoking questions are a daily occurrence.

Yet another early morning breakfast question... "Does Jesus love soldiers?"

I was a little stunned (again) at the randomness of this question since nothing that morning had been remotely related to soldiers. Maybe there was something on the morning news he saw that my mind missed? Or perhaps his mind was going back to the Nightly News the evening before. To give a little context, even before my sons were born, I held the conviction that guns were not going to be toys in our home for a very long time if ever. I understand it's in male nature to conquer and protect, but I don't think pretending with guns should be part of little boys' lives. Personal preference, that's all. So far, we've been quite successful at this. The only exposure my boys have had to guns and killing is pretty much the news which is always reporting on situations involving soldiers, weapons, police, murder, etc. And I am perfectly ok with that. I don't want my sons to be ignorant of these things -- but I do want them to learn about them with a proper perspective. So far so good. (And I'll take a moment to thank my older sister for asking her sons not to gun-play around my boys during the holidays...it really meant a lot to me that she respected my preference even though it is different from hers!)

So back to the question, "Does Jesus love soldiers?" What a question from a 3 year old! It immediately showed me that perhaps he was doubting that Jesus loves soldiers, but why? Ah, maybe because he understands that soldiers kill people and killing is wrong. God is the one who is gives and takes life. I asked him, "Do you think that Jesus might not love soldiers because they kill people?" He nodded his head yes. How precious to see such an innocent thought process. The answer was not very easy to explain, and even made me have a basic realization about soldiers. I began with explaining that yes, Jesus does love soldiers. Jesus loves all people and wants them to love Him. I told Judah that being a soldier is a job just like being a doctor, which he seemed to understand. Matt explained to him that many soldiers don't even use their guns, that they help rescue people and provide for their needs. I jumped in to tell Judah that a long, long time ago, God had his very own army...men were soldiers for God! He smiled really big! But then it hit me...wait a second. God had an army, and He commanded that army numerous times to conquer other peoples and not leave one human being alive in various cities. That's killing. And God punished His army if they did NOT obey His command to kill everyone they conquered. Wow. Matt piped up to say that was a concept we didn't need to start teaching yet -- and it's a concept I'm not sure we can fully understand as humans!

Last night, Judah all of the sudden told me that if we don't read our Bible and pray, we will start shrinking. I'm sure it came from Sunday school, but he was not able to explain it in different terms. Still not certain what exactly he means! :-)

How can we see Jesus and God?

The other day at breakfast, Judah randomly asked me, "How can we see Jesus and God?" A little stunned at the depth of this early morning question, it took me a few seconds to figure out how to answer. One quick look out the window reminded me that at this moment in life, we can see WHO God is by looking at His creation. I explained this to Judah.

See how beautiful the snow is and how amazing it is?
Yes.
Well, who made all the snow?
GOD!
If He made all the snow, then He is more beautiful and more amazing than even all that snow! And someday, we will see Jesus Himself if we believe in Him, love Him, and obey Him.

Judah got a serene and excited smile as he piped up: "I believe in Jesus!!!"

Please, Lord, let this kiddo's heart continue down this path!

How God Made Judah

One of the running themes of our Christmas vacation was children finding candy and cookies and secretly eating them. It started with Elijah finding Matt's reeses pb cup gift during "naptime" and eating 13 of them before Judah ran to get us. Later that same day, he kept finding some of the other kids' candy and tried to open it before I caught him. A few days later, the boys found some of Papa's lime cookies and munched on those. Jeepers! And here's where the story of How God Made Judah comes in...

Matt took Judah into the kitchen to talk to him about eating Papa's cookies without asking permission. Judah had a white ring around his mouth, and the lime cookies have a powdered finish on them. Judah answered "no" when asked if he ate any of the cookies. Hmm. Didn't exactly match up with what his lips showed. So Matt started talking to him about whether or not he was lying and how his lips looked like they had something on them. Matt asked Judah why he had white stuff on his lips. "Because that's how God made me." After further discussion, Judah was not backing down from his "no I didn't eat a cookie." Matt got a rag to wipe Judah's mouth -- and discovered it was dried milk rather than powdered sugar! :-P So Judah was telling the truth. And we guess he said that's how God made him because he was trying to come up with something to explain why there was white stuff on his lips so he wouldn't be in trouble. Oh, how the human mind works -- and this smart one is in a 3 year old's body!

Meetings, Memory, & More

A few times the past couple days, I've heard Judah ask Elijah to "come to the meeting." I asked him once what he was talking about. He explained that it was a pretend meeting by their dresser, but I couldn't discover a reason for the meeting. :-)

Proof that a kid's memory is better than we anticipate: Judah is 3. We do watch some TV, but not a whole lot. Mostly a little news in the morning, an occasional cooking show, and sometimes nightly news and the "letter game" (Wheel of Fortune). The rest is all kid shows. So they are not really exposed to many commercials geared for adults. BUT... Last night, we had the TV muted during commercials while watching the letter game. Judah was half-playing, half-paying attention to the TV. A Geico commercial came on, one without the typical spokespeople. At the very end, the word "Geico" came on screen, and Judah blurted out "Guy-co!" He knew what it was simply by the look of their logo. No audible words necessary. And he's 3. I wonder how many other logos he would know by now. I know there's been studies done on this, but I've not heard of any that used 3 year olds who don't watch a ton of TV as their subjects. :-P

Elijah says SO much now! You can carry on conversations with the kid! He shocked Matt the other day at dinner by saying "five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!" He's shocked me by regularly recognizing the letters A, B, and E. He can say tons of sentences loud and clear that it's almost getting the point of not having much cuteness to translate and tell about! But here are a few things that are still cute...

Fire Druck: fire truck (and sometimes the "truck" doesn't sound so kosher...)
Eatmahl: oatmeal
Foo tee-ohs: fruity cheerios
Sooz me: excuse me
Bah-po: pillow (took me a while to figure this one out)

Judah is starting to plan things out (even saying "here's the plan") and used the word "loudly" correctly yesterday. Many hand gestures to go along with his conversations, too! Cute, funny, and scary!

Cuteness

For about a week or so, Judah has been sweetly saying "Excuse me, My Dear" when he wishes to speak to me while I am in the middle of something. I think he has figured out that it melted my heart the first time and generally tends to get my attention more rapidly than "Mommy...mommy...mommy..."

Yesterday morning, I was changing Elijah out of his pajamas. He found his nipple, as all curious kids do at one point or another. He started pointing from nipple to belly button saying, "Small bee-bo...big bee-bo...small bee-bo...big bee-bo..." Too cute!

Judah really loves to have oatmeal with "crasberries" (dried cranberries) in the morning for "breh-bress" to warm him up. And he loves to help Daddy use a "screw-scriver" when they are being Bob the Builders. He does talk SUPER well for a 3 year old, but there are a few words I choose not to correct because they're just so cute. I mean, he's gotta have SOME words in his vocabulary that still sound like a little kid,, right??

Elijah has a thing for socks. He often takes them off his own feet as well as other people's feet. A recent episode: He quickly slipped baby Peter's socks off and bolted to the other room to shove them under a pillow for safe hiding. And though Elijah's small and built, this kid can really move fast when he's getting away from you! And he thinks he's so clever and cute when he does it, too. And he's right!

Cute-isms

Judah

He had Skittles for the first time last night. He loves them. And he calls them "crystals."

You can be praying for Judah. The last couple weeks he has had some pretty deep questions for a three year old that are exciting and serious at the same time. Questions about what happens to parts of your body when you die (what happens to your lungs? can you talk when you die?). Questions about guns (what is a gun? can it make you die?). Questions about hell and heaven (where is the fire at? Jesus is in heaven?). And he really is starting to seemingly take in our talks with him about the sin in his heart. So be praying for soft, rich soil for us to continue planting seeds in. We do desire him to know Jesus personally at an early age, but the LAST thing either of us wants is for him to grow up with all the right knowledge and behaviors without the heart firmly rooted in Christ -- the biggest trap of growing up in a Christian home that both Matt and I experienced.

Elijah

He also had Skittles for the first time last night. I gave them to him one at a time and watched closely to be sure all was ok. All of the sudden, as he was munchin' along, yellow drool started running down his chin. That candy turned on his salivary glands full force! At one point, he shook his head no and spit was flying. Ever seen Turner and Hooch? :-) Needless to say, he likes the Skittles. I do, too, actually......

Last post revealed that he says "No yike it." Well, he's started a new game with that. This is how it goes:

Lij: No yike it.
Me: You don't like it?
Lij: I DOOO yike it!!....No yike it.
Me: Aww, you don't like it?
Lij, with a sly grin: I DOOO yike it!!

hih-muh-muh-mus: hippopotamus
sahk: shark
stine: Little Einstein
dez sumping wong, Mommy: fuller phrase of "There's something wrong, Mommy"

E3

I had a dream a few nights ago that I felt the baby moving on the inside and outside of my tummy. I woke up in a half-stupor and realized I had my hands on my belly trying to feel the baby moving. That would never happen at 15 weeks! But I kept trying to feel...until I woke up all the way and realized how silly it was. But...

I felt the baby for the first time yesterday. I sat there quietly reading a book in the silent, sunshiny afternoon. I felt tiny little "twitches" in my lower left tummy. To be frank for a moment, a seasoned preggo will wait for gas bubbles to pass in order to know if it was truly the baby or something else. But time went on, and I kept feeling the little flutters without any other results. That's when you know it's the baby. :-) I've been waiting for this. Time to start cherishing this last pregnancy even more!

Familyisms

Since my last post, alot has happened. But since I only have a few readers, I know you all know the big ticket items like pregnancy, family visits, and such. :-) Just a cute little update for journaling purposes...

Mattism

Last night, I desperately needed to pop my back after sitting for too long at small group. My back hasn't really cooperated with me lately when I need to pop it, so I wasn't expecting anything great. I twisted to my right, and CRAAAAAAACK! All the way from top to bottom! Boy, did it feel wonderful! Unfortunately, it was also loud. A few who heard it gasped in shock and/or disgust. Well, anyone who is a back popper knows you can't do one side and not the other. So I twisted to my left to quickly finish, not really expecting much again. CRAAAAAACK! Wow. Ok! More gasps. Then Matt turns around and says to Robin and Emilee, "Would someone go find the king's horses and the king's men to put my wife back together again?" I'm still giggling over that. Must have just hit me right. He's got some quick wit, that man!

Dawnism

This morning, Matt and I got to have breakfast/news together before the boys woke up due to a late night last night. Matt poured himself some cereal and walked to the fridge for the milk. I got a mug down to pour myself a cup of coffee. As Matt was saying maybe he wouldn't have cereal because we are low on milk, I proceeded to pour coffee over his cereal rather than in my mug. I helped him decide not to have cereal and have yogurt instead. Wow. Gotta love those completely brainless moments!

Judahisms

"breh-bres" - still can't say breakfast :-)
"rabee-lolee" - ravioli (too bad he doesn't like it)
-The other day, I laid my head in his lap and said "Can I snuggle in your lap and take a nap?" He looked down with an astute stare and frankly said, "This is not a pillow." ::shock:: Ok then.
-When I lay him down for his nap, give him a kiss, and say "I love you," he likes to say "See you in the mean train." Ok. Whatever, silly boy. :-)
-I now understand how irritating it must have been for my mom when I wanted to watch shows or movies over and over and over and over and over. Fireman Sam, if I have to watch you save the day one more time.......
-Judah's favorite color is red. Make no mistake.

Elijahisms

-"sumping wong" - something is wrong (said in the most precious high pitched voice)
-"I do it" - no translation needed
-"no yike it" - I don't like it.
-This kid is really starting to talk. I "read" a colors book with him the other day that has all sorts of picutres in it. He can pretty much repeat whatever you ask him to! I had no idea he could say so many words. "Avacado" is pretty cute to hear. It's still different for us to watch his speech develop because he is much different than Judah who talked early and very clearly. But it's very cute and endearing at the same time. It's getting to the point where occasionally I find that I don't need to translate for someone else. That kinda pulls at the heart strings -- it means he's growing up.
-Elijah is showing signs of organization and cleanliness. He will take his shoes and socks off, shove his socks into his shoes, and then put them on the shoeshelf -- all without being asked. He lines up cars in a perfect row. He places stickers one directly on top of the other (Judah lines them up in a row). Puzzles have to be complete. He separates cars from trains and places them in their proper boxes. Just fascinating. We're still working on mealtime cleanliness and skill, but he is really growing by leaps and bounds in that area compared to where he used to be. Praise the Lord! :-P
-He is our little engineer. He shoves things in places they don't belong to see what happens (great). He takes things apart, looks them over, and puts them back together. He builds really great towers with his legos...and will sit there for a long time quietly working on it without getting frustrated (unlike Judah).
-Elijah sometimes likes me to rock and sing to him at night. If I just rock him without singing, he leans back, points to my lips, and quietly says "Seen" (sing).
-He is very good at bringing Judah down when they wrestle. Beef vs. String Bean. Judah's gonna have to rely on agility, I'm pretty sure. 'Lij? He'll just sit on you. And yet he still weighs a couple pounds less than Judah. It's ALL in how you carry your weight!!

Baby E3isms

-While talking today with my little sis about what animal we'll choose if E3 is a boy, I realized something very cool. While the boys were still in my womb, we picked out what animal we wanted them each to grow up with. We chose a lion for Judah...and his personality is social, hot tempered, and in charge. We chose a monkey for Elijah...and his personality is playful, mischievious, and adorable. Odd how that worked out perfectly. Makes me nervous to pick one for the third boy (if it's a boy!) If it's a girl, butterfly hands down. Purple with probably green and either white or brown accents. I don't mind pink, but don't drown us with it please! We're way too used to boy stuff around here!

-Speaking of doing butterflies if E3 is a girl, I found the PERFECT quote that will go in "her" room. "If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies" (author unknown). How awesome is that?? If we have a girl, everything will change around here. And if we don't have a girl, I don't get to have a butterfly baby. Change = butterfly baby! :-D That makes my heart happy.

-I'm waiting to feel E3 any day now. I felt Judah at 17 weeks, and Elijah was at 14. So we'll see!

Uncanny

I was reading John 11 this afternoon during the boys' naptime. That's the chapter that tells about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I was just about to get to the part where Martha explains to Jesus that Lazarus would stink because he'd been dead for several days. All of the sudden, breaking the afternoon quiet, Judah yelled out from his room, "PEEE-YEEEEW!" And then silence.

The boy said that in his sleep.

Question: What are the odds he would yell that particular expression out -- in his sleep -- as I was just about to read about a stinking dead body???

Morning Funnies

Last night, I went to pick up a youth from her work. Judah was already in bed but heard me leaving. He called out to ask where I was going. I told him I was going to pick up CC but would be back soon. Then I heard, "Get soft tacos!"

As Judah lay in bed with me while I tried to shake the groggies away, I asked him if he remembered his verse from Sunday school. We then started talking about who Jesus' Father is and that His mother was a lady named Mary. I have no idea why, but he started asking if Mary danced. I said I didn't know. Then Judah said, "Jaclyn danced at her wedder [wedding]." Yes, yes she did. :-)

As I was washing my face, Judah was "cooking" me some breakfast in their play kitchen. After bringing me a hamburger with a side of cracker, he said he would get me a treat. Ice cream...he specified it would be in a "pinecone." Hmm.

Elijah says:

Momess: Thomas
Mope: closest I can get to typing out how he says "milk"
Joos: juice
Hope: help
Behbess: Breakfast (also refers to all other meals)
Nack: snack
Rah: rock

And I think he said his first official complete sentence last night. Unfortunately, it was "Don't pray, Daddy." :-P He wanted to pray first!

All Prettified

So, in looking at a friend's beautiful looking blog, I found The Cutest Blog on the Block. Too cool! Yeah for a prettified blog! Check it out for yourself!

Sugary Cereal or Peaches?

Throughout each passing day, I find myself thinking of more and more analogies for the spiritual life. Today's was brought on by having Cinnamon Streusal Mini-Wheats and a peach for breakfast. The cereal was quite tasty and sweet, as was the peach. No one would argue which is better for your body -- the peach, of course. Natural vitamins, sugars, and fiber as opposed to the sugar-infused, added-vitamins fiber cereal. I ate the cereal first and then began chomping on the peach. To my surprise, the first bite of peach was QUITE bitter. The second a little less bitter, the third even less bitter, and so on. After several bites, the peach was what I considered juicy, succulent, and perfectly peachy-sweet. A drastic change from that first post-cereal bite of peach.

And then the analogy came.

We so often gorge ourselves on the things this world has to offer -- TV, video games, books, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, etc. But how often do we reach for God's Word or spend time with Him in prayer? It's so easy to get out of practice with the latter and so easy to fall into hours of practice with the former. And what always happens when we've immersed ourselves in worldy things and recognize we need to shape up and start spending our time where it is most needed? It doesn't taste good! Our selfish flesh fights against focusing on what is right. We experience the bitterness of conviction and failure. The taste is bitter, but the nutrients are still good for us. After a while, if we are disciplined and persevere, our spirit starts winning over our flesh and time with God and His Word is sweet and desirable.

If only we'd eat the Peach first, then we'd enjoy EVERY nutritious bite...and perhaps not be so thrilled with the sugary cereal of the world.

Recent Cuteness

Judah ran up to me yesterday afternoon and hugged my leg while saying, "I'm so glad I have a Mom and Dad." ::warm fuzzies::

Judah looked at Norah during breakfast this morning and said, "Her cheeks are getting bigger!"

Elijah says...

Roh: roll
Wee-bit: ribbit
Za date: the gate
Ope: help
Doo-joo: Judah
Hoo-oo: the name for his blue monkey

Elijah really likes pushing Norah in the stroller. He pushes while I guided. Made me think of a great analogy! It is our responsibility to keep pushing forward in our Faith, and it is God's responsibility to guide us if we are His. When we try to steer away from where God is guiding, we get stuck and risk hurting ourselves and others!

While playing in the GORGEOUS low humidity this morning, I saw several cicada exoskeltons, so I took the opportunity to teach the boys a little. I explained that there is a bug that comes out of his shell, and that the shell was empty but looked like the bug. Judah mentioned he saw a green bug "over dere" and took me to it. Sure enough -- it was a cicada that had JUST molted! His wings were still crumpled up, so there was no fear of him flying at us or away. We watched him every so often and helped him get on the grass rather than the sidewalk. I kept explaining that his wings needed to dry and uncurl. The last time we checked on him, Judah was able to see big wings! He got to see the change. A good science lesson for today! :-)

Memory & Fear

Yesterday, I was sitting with the boys eating lunch at the dining room table as usual. It became overcast and the wind picked up to a gentle breeze. Nothing more. And yet, as I dined, I kept feeling strange things well up inside me. After a while I realized they were memories. Quite vivid memories of last fall...when the tree fell against our house. I tried to push each memory aside and calm the trace amount of physical feelings of fear that the memories were causing. I reminded myself that my mom told me it will take years to not be quite so antsy about trees falling (she speaks from personal experience). It was an odd sensation, to be sure. It's been almost a year. Everything is fine. It was a tropical storm, not just a gentle breeze, that took the tree down. But, oh the power of human memory!

God is good to give us memory -- we would be useless without it. Memory ranges from faulty to so perfect you can live through the past as if it were happening again...all in your mind. It can be used for us to help us succeed in academics, relationships, life in general, and especially in our spiritual walk. But, if allowed to fall into the wrong hands (aka Satan), it can easily be used against us. In my case, I'm learning that memory of certain situations can lead to present fear. It took me a couple months (or more) to not be affected by trees blowing in the wind. Once I didn't feel the fear anymore, I thought I was over that life hurdle. Apparently not. Because it is still in my memory which will be with me for life. It can therefore be used against me to tempt me into sins of not trusting God's sovereign control, His goodness, His protection, His will. After all, isn't this mistrust of God just a different label for "fear"? A better label, in fact?

So even though I remember details like...

• Who was sitting where in the dining room
• The timing of Matt's exit from the kitchen
• Being so paralized by shock and fear that I just stood there rather than grab a son and run for the other end of the house
• The bite of ravioli and marinara that I held in my mouth for about 2 minutes without realizing it because my fear was so great
• The gasps for air in an attempt to fill extremely frightened lungs
• Our family falling to the floor in a heap by the front door with two screaming, crying boys and two shaking, crying parents
• Being able to say nothing but "Thank You, Lord" over and over and over
• Justin coming over to help Matt cut the limbs off the house, sweep up the enormous amount of glass, and board up the window
• Making pbj sandwiches in the living room with shaking hands since we couldn't finish our glass-sharded ravioli
• Feeling faint in heart at laying my youngest son down for a nap upstairs while it was still storming -- what if the tree falling wasn't over?
• Taking my still-scared oldest son to the grocery store to get him (and me) out of the house

...and I must stop there. Even though I remember it so vividly, I must always force my will and emotions to remember God had a purpose in it all, He can be trusted fully, and He is good. There is no fear in the Light. Only in Darkness. And since I am in the Light, I need not fear anything.

Perhaps bad memories are good afterall. If we are open to God's leading, we learn good lessons when bad situations happen. And each time our memory replays that event, we are reminded of the best lessons learned -- the ones that taught us more about how fragile we are and how awesome God is.

Halfway through Safely Home

I had to quit reading today because I was so overcome with desire to see Jesus, to hug him and feel his warm embrace. I'd say that is the DEEPEST spiritual desire of mine. Sure, I want to follow Christ, be like Him, be a good servant...but I really just want to finally BE with Him. Yes, rid of sin. But more, resting with HIM. Not just in Him like I do here. But WITH Him. Mmmm.

It also reminded me, once again, how rarely I remember there is spiritual battle waged at every moment all over the globe. That there is so much more than just what my eyes can see. I so often forget. My eyes don't go often enough beyond the physical -- an easy human trap. Everything we do has impact in both the physical and spiritual worlds. If that's not motivation to be more like Christ, I don't know what is.

I also remember how brainwashed we are to be "tolerant" in America. So much that we assume other countries are as tolerant -- well, those of us who haven't traveled outside the US much. ;-) It is so hard to imagine this kind of persecution happening daily to real people who have the Answer.

Beauty and the Beast

There is one movie I will always love no matter how old I get. The boys and I watched most of it this morning (I skip some parts). I thought I'd share a few highlights as it was a fun and special time for us.




-Judah calls it "Pew-tee & da Beasss."

-When Belle walked out of her home at the beginning, Judah said, "She looks like Mommy!"

-I love how my boys love to snuggle. I have two arms and two sides for two little boys to snuggle up close!

-I got an insatiable urge to color while watching. Made me remember my childhood days of coloring pretty dresses and Disney princesses. :-)

-Beauty and the Beast is a great movie to emphasize that "A soft answer turns away wrath." Judah was noticing as the movie went on that "He's [Beast] not angry anymore." I told him that Belle's kindness was helping Beast not be as angry. Her soft voice was calming him down...the same is true in real life when we use kind speech seasoned with grace when talking with Mommy, Daddy, or Elijah. Soft answers help others not be angry.

-Elijah loves for me to hold him and dance cheek to cheek during "Tale as Old as Time." He does it for the entire song and especially loves the twirls.

-At the end, we often have to explain why Beast and Gaston are fighting. When Gaston fell, Judah said he wasn't angry anymore. I told him the reason Gaston fell was because he wouldn't leave Beast alone and was very angry at Beast. Anger leads to ruin and only hurts people. Judah said of Gaston, "He needs Jesus." ::sigh of contentment:: I love little snippets of proof that Matt and I are succeeding in our goal to raise kids who understand and love Christ even if we fail to be perfect parents.