My doctor told me that induced labors are no harder than non-induced. After he put me on pitocin at noon, I could not help but think he was a liar. My contractions became incredibly intense. My belly hurt. My gut hurt. My lower back was killing me. And I can't even describe the kind of pressure I felt in the nether region. I had dilated to about 6, but was not getting much farther. Around 2:00, I remember looking longingly into Autumn's eyes with tears welling up in my own, silently asking her if it was ok to ask for drug relief. I had told her in the weeks leading up to labor that I wanted her to push me. I wanted her to tell me no the first few times I might ask for drugs. And I had not asked for drugs. But at that point, I wanted to...so badly. But I didn't want to feel like I was giving up. Like a failure. A wimp at labor. That's why all I could do was just look at her and cry.
I suppose I must have somehow asked for the drugs because I received them. I later found out that my mom and Nonie had been praying I would ask for relief because they could see my pain was so great. The drugs were also a good idea, I was told, because I really needed to relax during the contractions. The combination of contractions, back labor, and "down under" pressure was not allowing me to breath through contractions. I tried my best (probably the hardest I've ever tried at anything); but at the climax of each contraction, it was as if my body took over and convulsed from the pain. I truly did not have control over it. That was causing my cervix to swell, meaning it was starting to de-dilate. Not good for progression of labor. Pain relief would allow my body to relax and hopefully help my cervix dilate properly.
Dr. Sugar. That was his name. And, boy, did he live up to it. He came in and gave me an intrathecal rather than an epidural. An intrathecal is a shot given where an epidural goes and kills the pain just like an epidural. The only differences are that there is no tube left in your back so you can get up at will and also that the meds wear off after a couple hours rather than lasting. Within a mere minute, I was a NEW WOMAN. The lights were on. I was laughing. I could feel glorious nothing. I think I slept soundly for an hour and a half or so. At some point, I wanted to eat something. Three bites of orange jello. And soon after it came back up. I think by now, they had figured out Judah's head was not in the best position, so I had to try to move in hopes to help him turn a bit. I remember trying to get up and go to the bathroom. I never made it due to the return of the jello.
After a while, the doctor came back and checked me. Still no progress. He told me he had a c-section to do and would be back in an hour to check for progression. If there was none, it would be time to do a c-section. By this time, they had put a fetal monitor on Judah because of the lack of progression. It was 4:00 PM. The intrathecal was starting to wear off which meant the pain was beginning to return. After what seemed like ages, I looked back at the clock to see how soon my doctor would return. It was only 4:05. I tried to sit on a ball and then get in a different position on the bed. E.x.c.r.u.t.i.a.t.i.n.g. So back into the same position I'd been in all day. I was turning into a whimpering wreck. I did NOT want to feel that kind of pain again...
Next up... Part 5: Never assume a story you are not the Author of...
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