Picture Post!

Can you believe it? Judah Gabriel will be one month tomorrow. My goodness time flew! He is so much bigger now than he was. I don't even consider him newborn size anymore. After one nap the other day, Matt said "I think he grew during his nap!" I agree. :-) I think it is safe to officially say we have settled into our new normal life. Nursing is quite well established, though we are still working on more of a routine.

His one month appointment is on Tuesday, and I can't wait to find out how much he weighs/measures. And I think he gets shots. :-( Matt can't go because of school and the next available appt wasn't until Judah would be almost 2 months. Sooo..God went before us once again and Jenny B. had been planning to come visit this next week. So she can take Judah and I. :-)

New things Judah is doing: grabbing lots of things with his hands (including pinching!), smiling in response to us rather than at random, truly laughing in his sleep, holding his head up for lengths of time, jumps quite forcefully with his legs when you hold him up, doesn't cry at bath time (I really think he loves having his hair washed), and he is out of newborn size diapers.

What we are waiting for: his silly cord to fall off!!!, more interactive cooing, his hair to grow back (he's gotten quite the Captain Picard look), and we are about to introduce the bottle so Matt can occasionally feed him (pray!).

I know you all will thoroughly enjoy the pictures. I sure do! They are all from this last week. I especially love the last series. That was during a wake time I had with him. It was so much fun! I got a lot of video, including a yawn, sneeze, and coo. We're trying to figure out how to get video on the net so you all can see! Don't forget you can click on the pictures to enlarge them.

Praise God with us for a continued healthy happy baby boy!

Twelve Cheap Humble Cups of Hospital Visitors

We had our first family grocery outing on Saturday. Judah was SO good! He slept the whole time. It was a nice trip. Why? Ok. FOUR POUNDS of strawberries for only $3. Insane. And yes, they are delicious. What else was nice? Autumn introduced me to Grape Nuts Trail Mix cereal. Well, cereal out here is quite expensive for some reason. Yeah...they were having a sale -- 2 boxes for $4 AND they had coupons right next to the boxes! So we got two boxes for less than $4! Maybe we shoudl have bought more? And, we have humbled ourselves. We decided to NOT get Starbucks and debase ourselves to Folgers classic roast. This was done in an attempt to save almost $10 on coffee and to see if we could be satiated by home brewed coffee other than Starbucks. The verdict? I think I almost like it better! Praise the Lord for cheaper but good tasting coffee!

I finished Twelve Ordinary Men by MacArthur this morning. I decided to experiment with reading while nursing Judah at night to help keep me awake and to pass the time more quickly. You can really get through a book quickly when you do that, I've found! I started this book MONTHS ago and let it collect dust for quite some time in between my reads. It's a good book, though not quite what I expected. It was hard to shake the feeling that MacArthur pulled alot of assumptions about the Apostles' characters from the Scriptures that speak of each one. I can SEE how he would arrive at the conculsions he did from those passages, but in no way would I say it is fact. It was definitely a good and easy read though. This morning, I read a quote by Spurgeon in the chapter on Judas Iscariot. (Which by the way, Judas is a form of Judah and means "Jehovah leads." Interesting huh? God chooses some to be vessels of wrath...) The quote was about the tesnion between divine sovereignty and human choice. And I think it can and should be said of all the seeming paradoxes in Scripture:

...it is only my folly that leads me to imagine that these two truths can ever contradict each other. I do not believe they can ever be welded into one upon any earthly anvil, but they certainly shall be one in eternity. They are two lines that are so nearly parallel, that the human mind which pursuses them farthest will never discover that they converge, but they do converge, and they will meet somewhere in eternity, close to the throne of God, whence all truth doth spring.

Astounding and perfectly true.

And finally, for some pics of those who visited us in the hospital. Sorry if you were there but don't appear here! We didn't get pictures of everyone, but we are so thankful for the love and refreshment we received from everyone!

Auntie Auttie, Tita Thea & Robin, Nonie (Great Grandma of JG), Karen's sweater & Judah (his first reaally alert time), Duane &Doreen (CA Grandparents), Nini (Grandma of JG)



And good news!! The other set of family gets to come in June!! We can't wait for Judah to meet them and vice versa!

It's here!

The glider has arrived! I still haven't decided for sure if tonight will be his first night in the crib rather than in our room. We'll see. I'm so excited that the wood matches almost perfectly with the furniture already in the room! And the blue w/ white stars fabric is nice as well...though I may see what fabric is under it. I can see little white swirls or something. I may also see about rigging up some arm pads. Ah the wonder of fabric! Again, thank you so much Karen and Karen's brother for blessing us in this way!



And as I was taking pictures of the glider...of course I couldn't resist a couple of wee one!

Mumbo Jumbo

This will be a multi-faceted post! And there are more pics at the end. :-)

::EDIT:: 2.5 weeks (not 3.5! thanks for the excuse of being tired, Autumn!). He's getting chubbier still and I can tell he is longer! He is more precious to us with each passing day. Now that Matt has started his third quarter, though, it makes the days hard. Especially Tuesday and Thursday when Matt is gone from 6 am to 4 pm. I liked last week when we were together as a family all day every day. I praise God for that opportunity...it eased me into being home alone as a mom for the first time. Nursing is becoming more and more established which I am grateful for. I can tell people are praying...I didn't get impatient or frustrated at all last night. I think aside from the prayers, going to bed at 8:30 helped.

Poor Little Bit...he's got his first breakout of life. He was bound to because 1) He's a baby and 2) He's got Matt and I for parents. We both had issues with acne, so Judah didn't have a chance. I know it'll go away though -- and of course he's still adorable. Also, today was the first time he bled! Silly kid scratched his own nose. I actually had to keep pressure on it for a couple minutes to get it to stop. AND...he's napping right now in his crib rather than the bassinet (or floor, bouncy seat, our bed...) He's so cute. I've actually thought a couple times lately about maybe seeing what it would be like for him to sleep in his crib at night after we get the glider in there. Someone recommended it so that we won't hear every little sound from him and sleep better (but of course we'd use the nursery monitor). Any opinions?

Had my two week check up last Friday. My BP is down to 102/66 which is great. And...I've lost 22 pounds so far! Again, I'm shocked at how fast my body is returning to normal. Only 9 pounds to go until I reach pre-pregnancy weight...and hopefully won't stop there!

Storm's movin' in. The wind is ferocious! Wonder what it's like on the coast where Matt is...on his LONG day. He left at 6 this morning. I think I already mentioned that. But it's been such a slow day without him.

So have you heard about this new immigration bill? It will allow immigrants who arrived before 2004 to stay for a while to work after paying a $1000 fine and having a background check. It will put 700 more miles of fencing on the border as well as double the patrol. It will even provide for guest worker permits so immigrants can LEGALLY come and work. I think it's a good thing. But MANY do not...many who are directly affected by it because they either are or are part of a family that has illegal immigrants. Jaclyn and I have pondered this. We as Christians are to welcome aliens and strangers but it is also good to protect our country. Even God protected Israel's borders while telling them to welcome the alien. Where can the line be drawn? I came up with the analogy of a kid and a cookie jar to explain how I feel about it. Cookie jars are usually off limits in houses with children unless permission is given. If a child gets a cookie without asking, it is disobedience and stealing. They are not his cookies to do with as he pleases. The cookies are a privilege and a treat. Consequences come after he takes the cookie. But if he had only asked his mom, she would have happily let him have a delicious cookie. There is nothing wrong with him eating a cookie -- it all has to do with how he obtains the cookie. Make sense?

Don't you just love the silhouetted Eskimo kiss picture. ::sigh:: God has blessed me so much. I didn't know I could love Matt so much more in just a few weeks -- I thought it would grow stronger over the years. Have a kid. It'll bring ya closer if your priorities stay right! And of course there's enough love left over for the other man in my life. Because God is Who He is...it is too good but it is true!

Promised Pictures...and NOT the last of them for sure!

First to get the un-important stuff out of the way in order to get to pics of Judah-wudah!

After you have a baby, your body does all it can to get rid of all the excess fluids you obtained during pregnancy. My legs were SO swollen! It seemed to start in my entire leg, hip to toe. Then over the days, the swelling seemed to go out through my feet...as you can see. At the very end, I had these big bulgest (maybe you can see them in the picture) on the tops of my feet. All fluid! If I tapped my feet together, you could SEE the fluid jiggle! I'm thankful to have my feet back! NOTE: Notice the addition of the one toe ring I got off before delivery! I'm glad I could get it back on!



This is the infamous before and after. The pregnant picture was two days before Judah's birthday. You can tell my shirts were starting to get too short because my belly was just so big! Then there is the 2 weeks post-section picture. I'm still shocked but VERY grateful. I even tied my tennis shoes today with not a care in the world! Why did I tie my shoes? See next picture!



We had our first family walk today! The weather is beautiful, though a little windy. So we decided to break out the stroller and walked to none other than Jamba Juice. An appropriate outing for our little Judah, no? Californian and healthy. :-) I'm sure he might have loved to taste some...if it was warmed up of course!



His adorable first church outfit.



His first bath at home (a nurse gave him one in the hospital).



Tummy Time with Daddy. Eskimo Kisses with Mommy.

Chub Up & Thin Out

So here we are a week and four days later. Judah has already grown a lot! From his Thursday appt. to his Monday appt. he gained 11 oz. and he has grown about 2 inches total since birth. His little face is certainly chubbin' up a bit which I am grateful for...it means he is eating well despite mommy and son still trying to learn nursing together. I will say the nursing is WORLDS better than it was even a week ago, but I do know we still have a ways to go. Pray for scheduling. I'm not going to be one of those hard core scheduled feeders. But I do want a flexible routine that is mostly predictable for both mine and Judah's good. He is still only waking up for one really middle-of-the-night feeding. Matt and I appreciate it, but we are wondering if that is why he stays awake for quite a while during the day. I just pray every time I feed him that God would allow us to learn each other quickly!

I also find myself thanking God often for Judah in very detailed ways. I am thrilled with his knuckles, of all things. I think it is because they are so so tiny and yet they still function. At the doc's office yesterday, Matt noted the little statue of the inside of an ear. Can you imagine HOW TINY Judah's bones are in his ears? And yet he can still hear! Psalm 139 has always been precious to me, but it is REAL to me now. God truly has knit Judah together...He has touched and formed every cell in that little body. And it is good. And I sit in awe and praise Him for this GIFT (Psalm 127 to the max!).

As Judah has chubbed up, I have thinned out. I am shocked (along with a few others) at how quickly my body is returning to pre-pregnancy form. Yes, I still have a little to go, but I really expected to still look about 5 months pregnant as they say you will. I did the no-no this morning. They all say not to try on your old jeans for around 3 months or else you'll become very depressed. My mom said, hey why not just remember they aren't going to fit as you try to put them on. So I put them on. I buttoned them. I zipped them. With no problems at all. WHAT??? Less than two weeks and many of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit. There are some pants/skirts that I can't do yet, but there is plenty for me to wear...which is good considering most of the maternity stuff is too big now. I'll be interested to see how much I weigh when I go for my check-up on Friday. I won't be wearing my jeans for a while yet though because I (along with a few others) don't think the pressure would be good for my incision. BUT, the point is...I fit perfectly into my old jeans at just a week and 4 days after having a kid.

As Autumn said...women, take heed! This is what can happen for you if you stay within the recommended weight gain! Praise God for helping me...He probably called me Oh Ye Of Little Faith every time I worried to Matt that I wouldn't ever get my body back. :-P

I hope all of you are well! I have a sleeping baby to awaken for a feeding. You've never seen someone sleep like a rock until you've seen Judah...

**PICS to come when Blogger cooperates**

JUDAH GABRIEL ESPARZA

March 10, 2006 8.6 pounds 18.75 inches

I have no idea how Christa posted so soon after the birth of baby Tyler. What a woman! I've finally sat down because I have a few moments (and care enough) to give a brief synopsis of Judah's birth day and post some pictures.

I woke up March 10 at 2:30 am with a pretty powerful contraction that made Judah kick. I laid there for a while and had three more contractions, then deciding it was best to wake Matt and Autumn up to help me time the contractions. In about 2 hours they were powerful and close enough to get to the hospital.

Once at the hospital, I was checked and immediately admitted because I was 3 cm and 60% effaced with good contractions. I labored in the labor/delivery room until around noon with the contractions getting stronger but not necessarily patterned. Around noon, Dr. Goodwein decided it would be best to start me on pitocin to try and make the contractions stronger and set in a pattern. I had not progressed very far in dialation/effacement, and stronger patterned contractions help that along. So in the pitocin went, and a couple hours later or so...in the pain killers went. All I could think during several pitocin contractions was, "Dr. G is a liar!" He said induced labors are no harder than non-induced ones. Liar. It hurt. But I was told by several medical personell and family that my labor was indeed harder than normal labors. We found out later this is because of the way Judah's head was positioned. It was creating both front and back contractions as well as LOTS of pressure in the birth canal region. Those three fierce pains when they happened together were impossible to relax and breath through. Because I could not relax through them, it was causing my cervix to swell a little and I actually started de-dilating. Hence the pain killers.

Note: God gave man intelligence and has allowed us to discover medication. Use it! I was a DIFFERENT woman within a minute the shot went into my back. I was smiling, talking, even laughing. I told Dr. Sugar, the anesthesiologist, that his last name fit him well. :-)

After a while, Dr. G came back and checked me and still no progress. He had a c-section to do and would be back in an hour to either see progression or decide on a c-section for me. The drugs were wearing off. The pain was returning. I was ready to be done. It had been about 13 hours. Thoughts of a c-section were actually appealing, by God's grace. That 45 minutes Dr. G was gone went SLOWLY. After five minutes, I was praying he'd come back sooner. When he did return, he checked me and still no progress and he knew that Judah's head was preventing him from coming out that way. C-section was immediately and quietly decided. What did I do? I started crying. Why? Out of pure relief...and so did everyone else. Gosh, I'm getting teary just remembering it. So they stopped my pitocin IV to let the contractions wear off and started prepping me for surgery. Matt donned the adorable scrub garb while Autumn, my mom, and Nonie stood around my bed holding my hands and just touching me. (Autumn's hands were AMAZINGLY cool and comforting!) Then Matt came to the bed and we all prayed. I was able to talk to Jaclyn and Gramps VERY briefly before they wheeled me out.

The c-section was actually "fun." Dr. Sugar was there again to numb me up. Dr. G was there and all the other assistants. We were all quite jovial and relaxed. It was quite a unique experience. Matt was able to watch almost all of the section and said it was very weird to see his wife that way. I could feel NOTHING except occasional pressure. A very weird thing -- to know what a c-section looks like and know it's being done to you but not feel a thing. While they were sewing me up, Matt was with the baby nurse while Judah was being cleaned up. I told Dr. Sugar lots of women must love him, and Dr. G and his assistant chatted about raising various breeds of dogs. Very relaxed atmosphere. :-) Then off to recovery for about an hour when I was able to nurse Judah for the first time. Then off to our hospital room.

And that's the story in short. :-) God proved once again to be the strength and Sustainer of everyone there...for me, for Matt, for family. He orchestrated everything perfectly. I know in my heart this was the story He wrote specifically for little Judah and the beginning of our family. I have no regrets about requesting pain killers nor of having to have a c-section. It is how it should have been. It has been encouraging to hear things like a nurse saying I went way longer without drugs than most women. So I did my best, but I am grateful everyone else (not just me) knew I NEEDED the drugs. And I have to say, once I was in the operating room, it did not even seem like I had been in the hospital for 14 hours of hard labor. God is gracious to wipe the pain memory from women's minds.

I was able to come home on Monday, and again many of the nurses told me I was doing excellently post-section. I felt "great." Anything was better than having those contractions. Not to scare you ladies who haven't had babies yet. Remember, I had a harder labor than most because of Judah's position. Even Dr. G said once he had cut me open he knew there was NO way Judah was coming out any other way but c-section. Things have been going well at home, the hardest adjustment being nursing. Wow. Talk about learning patience and self-sacrifice. I think we are on the upside of learning to work together and the feedings are becoming easier. Goodness! Last night he fed only ONCE allowing Matt and I to sleep for two goooood chunks of time. I hope he does it again tonight, but I must stay flexible! Judah's first appointment was today and he is the picture of health.

Praise God with us!

Click the thumbnails to enlarge.

Most Likely the Final Update

Well, we took a tripsy to the doctor today because I thought perhaps my water had broken in the middle of the night last night. For those who are less educated, your water can break in two ways producing either the dramatized gush or a small steady trickle. I thought I had the trickle.

Oh, yes, about the castor oil. I did indeed to a 2 oz dose yesterday blended up into an orange juice slush. I did produce my first "contractions" though they were painless. It was nice to FINALLY understand what it will feel like...the WHOLE belly tightening up by itself. I'll enjoy them until the pain comes. It means things are progressing.

Back to the doctor's appt. Things have indeed progressed. It was not my water that had broken, just a normal part of a different aspect of the beginnings of labor. I am now 2-3 cm dilated and 60% effaced. I will not be seeing him tomorrow because it would be pointless. I LOST a pound, which Autumn says is also a sign of impending labor. I count it a blessed piece of news because now I for sure will not hit the number I didn't want to! BP was 120/70 which is still good.

Dr. G told me about the basic process of induction that will happen on Saturday if Judah decides to wait until the last possible moment. Gel to induce contractions. If that doesn't work well enough, he'll break my water 2-3 hours later. If that doesn't work well, then he will start pitocin (the induction drug). But we can all still pray that it starts naturally before then. Tomorrow morning I will consider doing a second dose of castor oil seeing as how it is most likely what made me dilate a little more. The more I'm dilated the "easier" induction will be because I will not have as far to go.

I'll be going in to the hospital between 7:30 and 8:00 and assuming all things go normally, Dr. G said that I will either be around 9-10 cm or pushing Judah out by around 5:00 pm. Of course, he guarantees nothing because every woman and delivery is different. But that is his guesstimation.

Exciting times! Nonie and Momma should be walking through the door any second now. It will be so nice to see them...and have Papa Johns and watch Lost. I've been counting down the days (with Autumn) for Papa Johns! A TREAT to be sure!

Thoughts on Separation

Every kid has their security blanket or lovey. Each pre-teen has her own fashion statement or his own way of speaking. Every college student has their study crutch of coffee or study avoidance of video games. We all have things that we consider part of us. That we latch on to for one reason or another - security, personality statement, pure enjoyment.

But, inevitably there are times in life when we must be separated from what we hold dear. Sometimes it is a permanent separation, other times it is only for a season. Both times of separation teach us to appreciate all the more that which we hold dear. If we know we will lose it forever, we enjoy every last moment and solidify the memory. If we know we will regain it after a time, we cherish the last moments and quietly anticipate the reunion. We learn that who we are is not wrapped up in things or ideals. They just help shape who we are and how others view us.

So you think I'm going somewhere with this? ::grin::

Pregnancy. Sure, a separation is coming soon -- Judah will be separated from my body. I will no longer have a child living inside of me. Sure, I know I will miss the experience. But this is not the separation I am contemplating at the moment. Pregnancy is what is causing a separation elsewhere on my body. Something that I think helps define who I am must be laid aside for a time in order to preserve a more important part of me. Sometimes we have to do what we know is wise even if it causes us to lose something -- the whole "for the greater good" thing.

Last night, I came to the point of realizing what was best for...my toes. My feet got swollen which isn't out of the norm, but my toe rings haven't ever been quite that snug. I realized that it would be better to have temporary separation with my toe rings rather than risking permanent separation from either my toes or the rings themselves. I tried to get the right one off last night to no avail. This morning, I managed to get my left toe ring off (with quite a bit of discomfort), and for a second time tried to get my right toe ring off. That one still remains on my swollen and bruised toe, to be attempted again tomorrow after a day of rest.

Silly to most of you readers, I am sure. But a couple of you know how much I love my toe rings. In my eyes, they are part of who I am in other people's eyes (if they even notice) -- fresh, fancy-free, different, and a beach lover (one is plumeria and the other ocean waves). They are special to me because they are straight from Hawaii and the most awesome toe rings ever, even down to the metal they are made of -- they still look brand new and have never given me discoloration or rust issues. How long have I had them on? YEARS! When is the last time I had them off? YEARS! (And, Brenda, no they still are not what hold my toes on!) ;-P

But alas, in order to save my toes in case of extreme swelling pre and post delivery and in order to save the rings from having to be cut off, I've got to get them off. I talked with my prayer partner (who is a doctor) today and she gave me some pointers on what to do, especially to not mess with it anymore today. She feels confident I'll be able to get it off. But if worse does have to come to worst, it can always be cut off. But we'll not think about that right now, ok?

I cling to the fact that my toe nails are a bright coral orange with clear sparklies. At least I can have that much to help me keep my "foot" identity and to have something bright and cheery to stare at during labor/delivery. And now that I've thoroughly wasted your time.... :-)

Induction Day - Only 3 more kidless days left if Judah waits that long! Castor oil was mentioned and discussed quite a bit this morning among various ladies and especially between Aut and I (she's done it before). Haven't gotten up the guts to ask Autumn to walk to the store and get some. But I'm really close to that. I asked Matt if he would mind if I tried it. His response? "It's your mouth!"

Have a good day, everyone, and keep praying!

What'd the Doc Say and Getaway Day

Boy, the appointment yesterday went fast! We were all surprised at how quickly I returned to the waiting room. BP was 119/76, still good. Gained one pound, don't care anymore. Still 1-2 cm dilated, 40% effaced so no change there. Dr. G stripped my membranes again, pretty good this time. However, I've had less cramping than I did last week when he did it. When will this kid come? :-P

Well, I can tell you all this. Dr. G said that if I have not had the baby by my appt next Thursday, he will schedule an induction for Saturday morning. He has the philosophy of "Induce in the morning and be home by dinner." (HE will be home by dinner, not the mom and baby.) He said average length of time for his inductions is 8-12 hours...so Judah WILL BE HERE by next Sunday. Weird but awesome, huh? Toe tingling excitement with spastic nerves at the same time!

This is all making it difficult for a current decision to be made by tonight. Does Autumn leave tomorrow as planned or does she reschedule her flight? It was Andy's idea for her to stay longer. But choosing a day based on when a baby is to be born is HARD...because only God knows! :-) She could leave next Sunday and I might have Judah on Monday, which keeps her from her family longer than necessary. She could leave tomorrow, and I could have Judah on Monday...and she misses it! Pray for wisdom with this decision!

My belly is certainly stretched to the max! Matt poked it with a writing pen last night, not hard, but it HURT because the skin is so taught. Judah's movements have definitely slowed down, praise the Lord, so not much rib-kicking is going on. Matt does miss being able to feel him move, but in about a week (or less) he'll be holding his son, feeling him DIRECTLY! :-)

Pray for me. The confidence, strength, excitement, and peace I have had the past week started to diminish a little yesterday. Perhaps it is because I am quite tired, or perhaps it is because we as humans are certainly subject to enemy attacks on our reliance on God. I don't want it to diminish. Maybe a nap and a long bath will help me relax and be refreshed.

And why might I be tired? Oh my WORD did God give Autumn and I a most SPLENDIFEROUS day on Wednesday. We went to Monterey with Matt, and while he was at school we spent a couple hours at the beach and a couple hours perusing Cannery Row (with a Starbucks stop of course). God could not have given us a more PERFECT weather day to do all that. And I've got to say, there's nothing like spending time on a gorgeous beach with your older sister who is also one of your greatest friends while both of you soak in creation, Scripture, good books, and a casual lunch. Shopping was fun, too. She actually found little notebooks with HER name and Hailey's name (spelled correctly) on them. A rarity! When we picked up Matt from school, we went back to Cannery Row to see a rocky shoreline I wanted Autumn to get pictures of. Usually you can see otters playing in the water. So when we walked up to the fence, I said, "Look for otters!" and Matt was making otter/seal sounds. Ok, it took us a second to realize the shore was PLASTERED with sun-bathing otters! It was awesome! The whole day was a perfect "last getaway day." I could not have asked for anything more! Enjoy the photos! Autumn is a great photographer!