Thoughts on Separation

Every kid has their security blanket or lovey. Each pre-teen has her own fashion statement or his own way of speaking. Every college student has their study crutch of coffee or study avoidance of video games. We all have things that we consider part of us. That we latch on to for one reason or another - security, personality statement, pure enjoyment.

But, inevitably there are times in life when we must be separated from what we hold dear. Sometimes it is a permanent separation, other times it is only for a season. Both times of separation teach us to appreciate all the more that which we hold dear. If we know we will lose it forever, we enjoy every last moment and solidify the memory. If we know we will regain it after a time, we cherish the last moments and quietly anticipate the reunion. We learn that who we are is not wrapped up in things or ideals. They just help shape who we are and how others view us.

So you think I'm going somewhere with this? ::grin::

Pregnancy. Sure, a separation is coming soon -- Judah will be separated from my body. I will no longer have a child living inside of me. Sure, I know I will miss the experience. But this is not the separation I am contemplating at the moment. Pregnancy is what is causing a separation elsewhere on my body. Something that I think helps define who I am must be laid aside for a time in order to preserve a more important part of me. Sometimes we have to do what we know is wise even if it causes us to lose something -- the whole "for the greater good" thing.

Last night, I came to the point of realizing what was best for...my toes. My feet got swollen which isn't out of the norm, but my toe rings haven't ever been quite that snug. I realized that it would be better to have temporary separation with my toe rings rather than risking permanent separation from either my toes or the rings themselves. I tried to get the right one off last night to no avail. This morning, I managed to get my left toe ring off (with quite a bit of discomfort), and for a second time tried to get my right toe ring off. That one still remains on my swollen and bruised toe, to be attempted again tomorrow after a day of rest.

Silly to most of you readers, I am sure. But a couple of you know how much I love my toe rings. In my eyes, they are part of who I am in other people's eyes (if they even notice) -- fresh, fancy-free, different, and a beach lover (one is plumeria and the other ocean waves). They are special to me because they are straight from Hawaii and the most awesome toe rings ever, even down to the metal they are made of -- they still look brand new and have never given me discoloration or rust issues. How long have I had them on? YEARS! When is the last time I had them off? YEARS! (And, Brenda, no they still are not what hold my toes on!) ;-P

But alas, in order to save my toes in case of extreme swelling pre and post delivery and in order to save the rings from having to be cut off, I've got to get them off. I talked with my prayer partner (who is a doctor) today and she gave me some pointers on what to do, especially to not mess with it anymore today. She feels confident I'll be able to get it off. But if worse does have to come to worst, it can always be cut off. But we'll not think about that right now, ok?

I cling to the fact that my toe nails are a bright coral orange with clear sparklies. At least I can have that much to help me keep my "foot" identity and to have something bright and cheery to stare at during labor/delivery. And now that I've thoroughly wasted your time.... :-)

Induction Day - Only 3 more kidless days left if Judah waits that long! Castor oil was mentioned and discussed quite a bit this morning among various ladies and especially between Aut and I (she's done it before). Haven't gotten up the guts to ask Autumn to walk to the store and get some. But I'm really close to that. I asked Matt if he would mind if I tried it. His response? "It's your mouth!"

Have a good day, everyone, and keep praying!