Monday Meditations: Young Marriage

I get daily emails from The Generous Wife with tips and ideas of how to bless my Hubby and our marriage. Every Saturday, the tip has something to do with the intimacy of marriage as well as a list of blog posts The Generous Wife found interesting that week. I read one that caught my eye and that led to another post that caught my eye. PLEASE read it - Young Marriage.

Simply astounding, huh? It bucks against so much that even those in my own tight circle might have learned and even hold to. I myself was memorably told by two adults when I was engaged that I was too young -- that I needed to "get out in the world" and "experience the world for myself" before I married. "Have a career, see what it's like." Really? I'm supposed to be separate from the world, and yet you want me to experience it before I marry?

I love each of the points the author brings out in his article. They all make perfect sense. One thing I wish he had noted is that marriages in Bible times were young -- maybe even younger than what the author is pushing for. Girls didn't get jobs first, travel abroad, and only then start desiring a husband. It was the men who got the jobs, worked hard to prepare a place for himself and a bride, and then married a young lady who was ready to be a wife and mother. Sounds like a fairy tale!

In this day and age, it is a fairy tale. There's one thing that flies in the face of the Young Marriage article. Did you perhaps think it while reading? Or did you even say it out loud because you were so shocked at the argument for young marriage among "kids these days"? Yeah, I thought it, too.

But most teens and young adults these days aren't ready for marriage! They are too immature and self-focused!

Indeed. Even I look back at who I was as a 22 year old bride, and wow. I was a baby! But why do I feel that way? Because I have 7 years, 5 moves, and 3 precious children under my belt (among a host of other smaller events). That'll do wonders to your maturity all around! It's exactly how we learn, grow, and flourish -- living life. Nice how God set it up that way, huh? :-) And if I compare my 18 year old self with my 22 year old self, I would say there is even MORE of a difference between those two people than my 22 year old and 29 year old self. My college years completely transformed who I was. I went in a bubbly, naive, boy-crazy (as in crazy looking for a godly husband), dramatic girl. I graduated a mellow, independent, life-loving engaged young woman. I admit, sometimes I miss the Anne-girl part of me. I know it's still deep inside. But at the same time, she doesn't really have a huge role in my life anymore. I mean, look at how much Anne changed through life experience from that fiery red-headed orphan to the poised young lady! From a Christian point of view, isn't that exactly what is promised in James 1:2-4?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It is life itself that has the potential to mature the Christian. It's full of trials of varying degrees that can shape and hone various edges of who we are. How important it is to note that this happens throughout ALL of life. The shaping and honing happens to 5 year olds, 15 year olds, 25 year olds, 35 year olds, 45 year olds.... you get my point. So who is society - and many Christians - to say "You're too young to get married. You need to experience the world (aka be more mature and knowledgeable of how things work)." And don't even get me started on how young people should "work and save up money" before they marry. (Then you're saying money is more important than fulfilling God's command for us to marry and be fruitful. "But it's foolish to not prepare financially..." Sure, but blah blah blah. My hubby and I had $800 in our combined accounts when we got married and no official job for our first month of marriage. But God provided a timeline for our story that involved marriage before money... see, you got me started on the topic!)

What do I think the answer is? If I'm going to agree with the young marriage concept, how do I account for the immaturity of young adults these days? Well, I can only speak from the Christian perspective of a mother aiming to rear children who will honor the Lord with their lives. And that's the key! A great deal of why teens and young adults do not "seem" ready for marriage is because parents have failed to prepare them! Too many families are so busy -- both parents work, extracurricular activities consume family time, and the TV sucks up what time is left. God graciously set up life so that it matures us as we move through it -- and as a Christian parent, it is my privilege and responsibility to guide and support each of my children as they move through their lives. To help them process each trial that comes their way so that it does produce maturity rather than hardness or flippancy. Children left to themselves will be raised by their flesh -- and those children are the ones who will never be ready for the self-sacrificing, other-focused act of marriage. Children who are lovingly led through life and constantly directed towards the Savior as their ultimate Guide will be raised by the Spirit -- and those children are the ones who WILL be ready for marriage regardless of their age. Sure, there might be some flaws here and there. But you, my reader... are YOU perfectly responsible in your marriage? Are YOU perfectly responsible with your money? Do YOU always make the right decisions? And how old are you? How long have you been married? Yeah, that's what I thought. ;-)

It's a vicious cycle Satan has created. He's been quite clever at tearing the family apart, as noted in Young Marriage. As he gets parents to leave the picture, kids raise themselves. Then parents see their kids are too immature to marry and make them wait. Kids do wait and open themselves up to "experiencing the world" -- ending up with all kinds of baggage that they bring to marriage (not all sexual, either). Which leads to tough marriages and often divorce. Which means the kids of that marriage have a higher chance of being left to raise themselves and have not-so-good examples to follow... and it goes on and on.

I may have been "young" at 22. But I felt that I was perfectly ready for marriage. And I suppose my parents did, too. And obviously God, too, since it happened! ;-) And there has been NOTHING more joyous than to experience the world and life with my husband. Both he and I arrived in marriage with very little baggage. We have an incredibly strong, loving, growing, passionate relationship. Praise GOD! And we're just living life together -- always with a best friend and lover by our side to help us through whatever comes, good or bad. To me, that seems WAY better than voluntarily experiencing the world and life alone until I'm 30. Which is kind of a scary thought to me, actually. (What if God plans a late marriage? Note the emphasis on "voluntarily"... then hold your horses until the last paragraph of my post.)

So if you are a Christian parent, commit to raising your children to be godly and mature. Talk with them. Be involved in what life throws at them and help them process Biblically. Always remind them that their lives are to be lived for God's glory, not for self. If our focus is to point them to Christ, then we can trust Him to bring them to the level of maturity needed for young marriage, if the Lord wills. How wonderful to see our children get to live more years with someone they love AND be saved from a host of baggage that can come with late marriage!

And remember for yourself... God has written each person's love story. If your child's love story begins at 19, trust Him. If your other child's love story begins at 30, trust Him. Either way, be there for your children, pray often, and enjoy being a character in God's script for them!